Hospital vs Home-Birth.
Four different pregnancies or should I say 6.....four different birth experiences. No matter how many times I was pregnant, I always managed to fall back on the same old habits; googling how big the baby is at this many weeks, whether I'm having a girl or a boy, is it normal to experience this? And no matter how familiar you are with the process, nothing ever really prepares you for the magic that is about to unravel and the complete miracle of giving birth.
With my eldest, I was extremely nauseous during the first trimester. I could barely keep my food down. I had no idea what to expect as it was all very new to me. Advice was given to me from all directions, especially "You need to eat! You're eating for two now." Oh how I ate, more than I could manage. I gained about an extra 20kg.
Living in the Darwin heat during pregnancy was not easy either. I remember by the third trimester my feet were so swollen that my sandal straps were digging into my feet. It got to the point where I would spend my afternoons with my feet dipped into buckets of iced water. Overall though, mentally I felt fine. I had a plan and everything was running relatively smoothly. When it came close to the due date, I also had my parents stay with us and help us out.
At almost 40 weeks, I felt pretty desperate to get the baby out. I was doing everything I could to naturally get things moving like eat spicy food... I love my spicy food, so this did nothing for me other than give me acid reflux. Walking up and down stairs, walking around the suburb, drink raspberry tea, eat pineapple. I even got to the point where I gave myself nipple stimulation, which actually brought on very minor contractions that lasted about 10 seconds. At the final Obs appointment, I expressed that I was ready to get the baby out simply because I just felt very uncomfortable. The option was to have an induction as I was about 1cm dialated. To be honest, even though my husband and I went to the birthing classes, I could barely remember most of what we had learned and I wasn't 100% certain of the inducion process. I said yes anyway and nek minute I'm booked in to be induced for labour the very next day. My head was up in the clouds. This was actually happening.
I was all set up and induced at about 7am at Darwin Private Hospital. The nurse suggested I walk around and stretch my legs as it was going to be a very slow build up. Adrian helped me walk around for a bit on the floor we were on, eventually I got bored and we decided to head back to the room. Time ticked by so slowly but I remained patient and tried to relax. I sat on my pregnancy ball, alternating between rocking my hips back and forth and gently bouncing. It got to about 11am when I finally started to feel this painful sensation. I moved over to the bed sitting on my ball, leaning forward with my head in my arms. My Mum was massaging my lower back. The pain increased and all I could do was twist my body around. A nurse eventually came in and noticed I was in a lot of pain and could barely keep still, she offered epidural. Before I could answer, my Mum piped up and answered for me "No. She doesn't need that." Adrian immediately snapped "Atin! Let her decide!" To be honest, I didn't know what I wanted in terms of pain relief, I just wanted the pain to go away. I decided to brave it and opted for the happy gas. It did help to take my mind off the pain, however it made me feel very light-headed.
Before I knew it, I was being moved to the delivery room, onto the bed, laying on my back, both legs bent up. I was told to push. With all my might I did. I could hear my parents just outside the door trying to encourage me. I was struggling so bad. OMG, this is HARD. I think I had about 4 nurses around me and one of them was right in my face, yellling at me to push. All I remember saying back was "I can't..." and amidst all the struggles, I could faintly hear Adrian ask "What's that smell...??" All I heard in response from one of the nurses was "There's a bucket underneath to collect..." Gee thanks Adrian.... for making me feel even more insecure about how exposed I am.
It got to a point when the Obstertrician finally came in, he took one look at me, then turned around and laid out a kit onto the table. What could that be?? He wanted to avoid it though as much as possible and continued to encourage me to push as much as I could. I tried and I tried and tried. I was too tired. The baby was too big "OK, I'm going to have to intervene....let me get the foreceps," he says. He looks at me and says "Ok, I'm going to help out now." He inserts whatever he had in his hands and I Iet out a scream. It was probably the most painful experience throughout the whole labour. Suddenly he pulled out and I heard the baby cry. At the end of it all, it was like my body had gone through so much trauma, I actually started shaking and became so emotional. I couldn't believe I had just done that.
My second pregnancy was in Sydney but he ended up being born in Perth, our home town. This time round I still felt some nausea but I found drinking sparkling water helped ease that. My diet had changed prior to this pregnancy with seafood being my main protein. I was also slowly cutting out dairy. In regards to cravings, I do remember always wanting something juicy, fresh and sweet. In my mind, I felt like I was having a girl. I was pregnant in the winter and my body just felt so much lighter, it was more comfortable. I managed to keep myself active and with an energetic toddler, it was motivation to take morning walks to the playground.
We planned to have our second baby in Perth, so that we had immediate support around us. My only experience was giving birth in a hospital, that's all I knew and that I was comfortable with. I knew what to expect this time.... or so I thought.
The pregnancy went smoothly and baby was doing well, however because I was chasing after a toddler, I did feel a lot more fatigued. Luckily by about 7.5 months, we were back in Perth with family. We stayed with my parents and they looked after us. This made a huge difference for my mental state, knowing that we had the support.
My Obstetrician was also very laid back and respective of my choices. He was never pushy or tried to persuade me in a certain direction. Everything was going pretty well with the pregnancy, there were no issues, which put my mind at ease. I was also pretty easy with whatever needed to be done. I was open minded. I trusted the system.
Just like my first pregnancy, baby was taking his sweet time and was in no rush to get out. I reached 40 weeks and the Obs was not concerned and was happy to wait and so was I. At least this time, I felt more comfortable this far into my pregnancy. At about 41 weeks on the dot, I started to feel contractions in the early hours of the morning. It was a slow build up but it all felt so familiar. Adrian had called the nurses and we were advised to time the contractions and make sure that they were regular before making our movements to the hospital. It had reached about mid-day when we made the call to head over once the pain became unbearable. Down three flights of stairs in my parent's house, I was struggling to walk. My parents stayed home this time to look after our eldest. Once we parked the car, Adrian ran into the hospital to fetch a wheelchair for me. By this time tears were streaming down my face, a passer by even stopped to check on me. I was so worried I was going to give birth then and there, the pain was just too much. Finally, Adrian returned and I was wheeled into Murdoch Hospital towards the birthing ward, straight into our room. It was beautifully set up, just like in Darwin. The nurses were so attentive and I really enjoyed being looked after.
I kneeled down on my knees facing the head of the bed, sucking on my happy gas. It wasn't really helping this time, the pain was too much and my whole body was shaking uncontrollably. I was literally grabbing the head of the bed and banging it against the wall. I was calling out to Adrian "I want the epidural! I want the epidural!" Apparently we were so far in, that I almost missed my opportunity. The baby was ready to come out but I demanded I have the epidural. After a little while, the anesthesiologist entered the room and asked me to sit still on the bed. This was physically impossible for me. I was out of control but I tried my best to keep still, sitting over the side of the bed and hugging a pillow, then suddenly I could feel the stab of the needle down my spine... but like magic, it was instant relief. My body stopped shaking and I was able to breathe again. The Obstetrician then asked me to lay on my back with my knees bent up but because I couldn't feel a thing, I was prompted when to push hard and when to make gentle pushes and towards the end I could actually feel our little boy slide out. Another little miracle.
My third pregnancy was a complete breeze. No nausea whatsoever. My diet had also changed, I was vegan. We moved to Minnesota in February 2020. It was the middle of winter and freezing cold. My Mum travelled over with us and stayed with us for two weeks. The boys started pre-school three weeks after arriving. Adjusting to our new life in Minnesota was pretty easy. I attended appointments at Methodist Hospital, only five minutes away from home. Everything was running smoothly, baby was healthy and growing well.... then COVID-19 happened. There was so much uncertainty and everyone started panicking. Eventually businesses were being put on hold, including daycare centres and schools. At this point we were given the option whether to keep the boys in daycare or temporarily unenroll them. I felt so uneasy about the whole situation and was not in the position to put my unborn baby at risk. We made the decision to pull the boys out of daycare and keep them home until after the baby was born. This way, there was very minimal risk of exposure. Adrian also made the call to continue working from home.
Whilst pregnant and juggling two toddlers, life got a little bit hectic but I felt more at ease knowing we were all safe in our little bubble at home. Eventually, we heard news that Australia was in lockdown and no one was allowed to fly out. Then it suddenly hit me..... my Mum was not able to fly over and be with us. I started to panic. The plan was to give birth at the hospital, just like my first two. However, I then realised, who was going to look after the boys? Anxiety struck. I needed a plan B. Never have I ever considered a home-birth. It just wasn't me. I guess because I was never in a situation where I felt it was necessary to have a home-birth..... until now. I entertained the idea and it definitely made more sense... Originally, I wanted to do a water birth at the hospital, so that was already something I was interested in. Whilst speaking to family in regards to my consideration of a home-birth, there was also mention of a Doula and Hypnobirthing. It's amazing the ideas you come across when uncertainty strikes and all of a sudden you need to take a new path and adapt to new possibilities.
I did my research and looked into Doulas... the idea of having someone by my side other than my husband to support me during the birth was interesting but I wasn't totally convinced. Did I really need a Doula? We did however, need someone to assist us and care for our boys, especially during the birth and post-birth. Instead of looking for a Doula, we decided to put an advertisement up on a Nanny website. I then looked into home-birth Midwives. There were a few choices but what made it much easier to narrow down to my final choice was for a midwife to be OK with children being around during the birth. If my boys wanted to be next to me and see me give birth, I was OK with that. There's nothing more I wanted than to have those I love around me.
Things were slowly falling into place and I started to feel a sense of peace and calmness knowing that everything was going to be OK. I then looked into Hypnobirthing. My sister-in-law had studied it prior to having her first baby and I was intrigued. She gave me the details of the course she had completed online and I decided to enroll into the same course. The beauty of studying online is that you will always have access to it. This course was a game changer for me. It completely re-wired my thinking and changed my whole perspective on giving birth and the labour process. Instead of worrying about the pain, I focused on the beauty of the process and how natural it all was and to trust my body. Breathing and relaxing my body was key.
I felt a lot more organised this pregnancy. I had the midwife, the hypnobirthing skills and the Nanny. As the weather got warmer, I also felt I needed to move my body more. We invested in a couple of electric bikes and a friend donated to us their old Burley, so we took the opportunity to go riding with the boys. Minneapolis was designed for riding. The transformation from winter to spring really surprised me. The city really shows off its true beauty with so much greenery. I love being out in nature. When I'm not out riding the bike, I did pilates at home to help centre myself and prepare my body for birth.
As it got closer to the expected due date and just like the first two births, I had a feeling this one was going to be the same, exactly a week late. I was in no rush. I felt comfortable. I trusted my body. The night before it came to exactly a week later, Adrian set up the area downstairs, he pulled out the inflatable tub with the hose connected to the sink. Himalayan lights were plugged in for mood setting and the labour kit the midwife advised us to purchase was all set up on a table nearby. He also set up the camera for recording as I had requested him. The next morning I felt nothing, no signs of labour coming on. I suddenly started to feel a sense of panic in me. I didn't like the feeling of uncertainty. The midwife came over to check on me and could tell I was stressed. She gave me a big hug and had one suggestion to help get things moving - castor oil. She then went back home and told me to call her if anything happens. I was desperate to get the labour started and to try anything that would help to naturally induce labour. Adrian went to the store and bought me a bottle of castor oil, as well as dairy-free ice-cream. I made myself a milkshake and mixed in 30mls of castor oil. Here goes nothing. I started to prepare dinner to pass time. About 30 minutes later I felt uneasy and started to vomit and Adrian quickly grabbed a bucket for me. Eventually I felt the "surge" come on and remembering what I had learned from the Hypnobirthing course, I started to relax my body by gently swaying from left to right, my hands on my hips, head back, eyes closed and deep inhales and exhales. Through my nose, out of my mouth. I won't lie, I felt it but differently this time. The breathing helped and I kept a positive mindset. As I was stirring the boiling pasta, a gush of water came from between my legs all over the floor by my feet..... huh, I've never experienced that before.. oh shit.... it's happening. I waddled my way downstairs and called out for Adrian "I think my water just broke...." The surges were getting stronger and stronger. My body was sweating. Adrian had the look of a stunned mullet. I started walking back and forth, breathing heavily through my surges. Suddenly I felt like I needed to do a poo.... or was it the baby??? You know, when you know but you still aren't quite sure, so you go the toilet, sit down just to make sure but you struggle, then you realise.... NOPE, it's the baby!
Adrian immediately messaged the Nanny and the Midwife to come over. I rushed out of the bathroom and pulled my underwear off and headed to the tub....no water. Adrian didn't fill it up. Panic! I looked at the floor, went down on all fours and made that noise you make just before you start heaving the baby out. It's like I became all animal. This time however, I used what I learned from the Hypnobirthing course. I relaxed my body as much as possible, breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. Let the breathing guide the baby out. Adrian video called the Midwife, she was still driving and had to pull over to focus on what was happening and talk Adrian through the process. I could hear her from behind me. She must have had quite the view. Adrian dissapeared for a moment and all I could hear the Midwife call out "Adrian! Adrian, quick, the baby!" He quickly came back just in time. I felt the baby slide out and Adrian cry out in joy. OMG, we actually just did that. The nanny eventually arrived, as well as the student midwife. They helped me to lay back on some cushions on the floor and settled the baby onto my chest for skin to skin. We had planned to collect blood from the chord for chord blood banking but because the process takes about 10 minutes and needed to be done immediately after the baby came out, it was too late.
Both our boys were also there right by us, watching the whole birth process. I remember them sitting beside me saying "Oh, the baby..." I couldn't be more proud of them. Just patiently watching in awe. I was also so proud of Adrian, taking on the role of delivering the baby. He handled it all so well. It was in my opinion, the perfect birth experience. For it all to happen somewhere I felt safe and comfortable with those I love around me. I was able to do what I wanted to do at my own pace, get into the position that felt most natural to me and although I didn't manage to have a water birth, it didn't matter. In the end we managed to deliver the baby safely without the chaos and interference of a medical surrounding.
Pregnancy number four. Now, even though this one was a complete surprise. I instantly had a feeling I was pregnant. I felt discomfort in my lower back and tingling sensations in my breasts, all the usual symptoms I've felt before. My intuition kicked in and I purchased a pregnancy test kit online through good old Amazon. At exactly four weeks (yes, I knew exactly when we conceived) I was actually too nervous to look, so I hid it in the bathroom cupboard and walked away for a bit. The anticipation was biting at me and I peered into the bathroom at the cupboard, wishing I had X-ray vision. Finally I gave in, opened the door and slipped out the stick. This time I used a digital test kit. It revealed I was pregnant. My heart was racing. Here we go again. It was not long ago I had told Adrian I was pregnant but then about a week after finding out, I started bleeding. Once the bleeding had finished, Adrian was feeling pretty eager one night but I was actually not in the mood. He got upset and I felt guilty, so I gave in. That night, we conceived our little girl.
I believe the best way to describe Adrian's response was complete shock and disbelief that I fell pregnant again. I was too scared to even tell the parents. We resorted to recording a message and sending it to the family. Adrian's face said it all.... "You could have at least smiled" I said. He basically looked like he was held hostage and I was giving a ransom speech.
During this pregnancy I was the most sick. I was actually unable to hold my food down, it was getting rather annoying. I ate small amounts of food every now and then to avoid getting sick and sparkling water was my saviour, as well as sucking on sweets.
Knowing that this time I would have my parents to come visit and help during the pregnancy and birth really helped put my mind at ease. However, it was a real bittersweet moment. I really loved the experience of our third birth at home, just us. The thought of having extra family around felt a little bit overwhelming but I knew it was for the best, especially with having to juggle four children.
The midwives who looked after me during my third pregnancy, birth and post-birth did an amazing job and I had enough confidence in them to look after me again. I reached out to them announcing the news and that I wanted them to help me deliver my fourth if they were available. Luckily enough, they were.
During my third pregnancy, most of the appointments were done through the hospital before I made the switch to have a home-birth instead. This time, it was all through the midwife. Ultrasounds were organised through a clinic that the midwife provided. Bloods were collected by the midwife and sent through to the lab. We opted to do the genetics testing but I was uncertain whether I wanted to know the sex of the baby. Adrian was keen to know, so we said yes. Under one condition, only Adrian was to be told. I didn't want to know until the day of the birth. I really wanted to be surprised this time round.
Everything appeared to be running smoothly. Scans looked normal even though the baby was measured to be due later than expected. Genetics testing came back showing no potential issues and Adrian was told the sex of the baby. Once he had finished on the phone with the midwife, he came back to me and gave me a hug. To me, this felt like a sympathy hug as though to say everything will be OK, even though I might be dissapointed. I immediately pulled away from Adrian and got annoyed and told him he was so transparent and made things so obvious, he had no idea how to keep a secret. He said I was jumping to conclusions and that he hadn't given anything away. He then grabbed the car keys, gave me a bit of a sneaky look and said he needed to go get something and would be right back. A while later he returned home with a box and a ribbon wrapped around it "We will open this one together when you're ready." Bit obscure and suspicious.
Discussions with the midwife also lead to my diet change. Was I getting enough protein? Was I getting enough calories? Would I consider getting back on the dairy?? It all made me start to question whether my diet was actually balanced or not. I eventually decided to slowly start eating meat again, such as steak/beef, chicken and fish. I refused to have dairy though more for my gut health.
Winter was approaching and vaccines for COVID-19 had become available. Adrian and myself got our shots done but not the kids. We were very lucky to avoid getting sick for over a year since we had moved to America. With the kids in School and Adrian slowly starting to go back to the office twice a week, we were very much more exposed this time. We did the best we could to avoid getting sick but there's only so much you can do and daycare centres and schools are manifestations of viral plagues.
One afternoon my eldest son and I did a walk in at a centre that was giving out COVID-19 vaccines. He was having his first shot and I was getting my booster. We were both healthy and feeling good. The moment we got home, I started getting the shivers and my teeth were chattering. My son was also not feeling so good. What was going on? I asked my husband if he felt the same way after he had his booster. He said it was normal to feel a little unwell, sometimes you can get a slight fever but it should only last about a day. In the middle of the night I felt like I was struck by a bus, my body was aching all over. I couldn't sleep. I felt hot and checked my temperature. Fever. I got myself a drink of water but was hesitant to take anything for the pain. I took one Genexa Acetaminophen, basically a clean version of Tylenol. The next day both my son and I were on the couch sweating and coughing, we could barely move. We got ourselves tested with a take home kit and they both showed positive for COVID-19. So it finally got to us. Adrian took the next few days off work to help out. Separating us from the rest of the family was down right impossible. When you first get the virus, it's the worst feeling, not only the symptoms but the complete isolation of it all. Similar to having a new born baby, minus the illness. There is no help, people can't be near you. You literally struggle on your own. We are lucky to have some thoughtful neighbours and one of them just happened to check in on us and I told her we had COVID-19. Moments later, she kindly dropped off some home-made soup by our front door. She was an absolute blessing.
A week after recovering from the virus, in the middle of the night I started stirring. I was feeling very unsettled as though I had food poisoning. Saliva started to build up and I just knew I was going to vomit if I sat up. I called for Adrian to quickly grab me a bucket. He ran downstairs to grab me one. I started to sweat. Hurry up Adrian!! Finally he had returned with a bucket. I sat up and immediately threw my head into the bucket. I absolutely HATE vomitting. I felt a little better and slept through the night. The next morning, I could still feel the stirring but I tried to eat something and grabbed a banana. After finishing it, I immediately ran to the toilet and it all came back up. This is not good. What's happening?? I messaged the midwife to let her know and she asked if I wanted to her come over and check on me. I said yes please. I was sitting on the couch downstairs when she had arrived, I must have looked like death to her. She gave me a couple of options of what we could do as I was unable to consume anything, not even water. The first option was to have a nurse come the next morning to give me fluids or to just wait it out as it was most likely a 24 hour virus that will eventually pass. I just wanted the fluids... immediately. Next minute I sat up, grabbed the bucket in front of me and hurled into it. The midwife got the hint and agreed to organise a nurse to arrive the next morning to administer fluids for me. I received a text message from the nurse confirming her arrival the next morning. She was a godsend. Immediately after receiving the fluids, I felt 100% and even managed to eat a peice of toast. It was the best thing ever.
After everything my body had gone through and finally recovering from both COVID-19 and gastro, all I could think about was if the baby was OK. We decided it was best to check on how the baby was going. Luckily, she was good and doing well but every ultrasound appointment I had been going to from then on, I always received the same feedback "The baby is on the smaller side but there is no concern there," and that it could just fall down to genetis. The midwife however, felt a bit uneasy about it and decided to go ahead and book me in for a level two ultrasound at a speciality clinic at the hospital, which involved a more thorough scan. After an intensive scan, the Dr came in to talk to me to discuss the results. According to their measurements of the baby, it appeared she was having problems growing at a "normal" rate and was diagnosed with "Fetal Growth Restriction". What they usually lookout for is if the estimated weight is less than the 10th percentile; meaning the baby weighs less than 9 out of 10 babies of the same gestational age. The question was, how did this happen and what did this mean for the baby? There was no exact answer for the cause. However, they did notice a trend in expectant mothers who had COVID-19, giving birth to smaller babies. This also meant the baby was high risk and that home-birth may not be the best choice of delivery. When an unborn baby is diagnosed with FGR, it is usually advised to get the baby out asap to avoid any likely complications.
Concerns for the health of the baby really started to take a toll on me. Knowing that a home-birth wasn't guaranteed made me feel uneasy. This pregnancy felt so much harder than the last. All that was certain was knowing my parents would be here soon to help care for our boys. I was mostly worried that the baby would need to come out sooner than expected. With the weather getting much colder, limiting my time outdoors and my health taking a plummet. Mentally, I wasn't doing so well. According to the midwife, I was also at risk of developing post-natal depression. Turned out I was also low in Vitamin D. My body is not able to absorb this naturally by being outside in the sunshine. I was advised to take up to 10,000 iu of Vitamin D supplement daily and to help with my "winter blues", my midwife also recommended I look into a light therapy lamp.
Moving forward, it was regular check-ups at the hospital every week that involved monitoring the baby's heart rate and looking out for irregular patterns that may indicate stress and issues with the baby and to determine whether an early induction is required. Ultrasound appointments were every few weeks to check on baby's measurements. For several weeks, the baby's heart rate was consistent and normal but measurements were still small. All this uncertainty was really wearing down on me and I started to feel hopeless. At 38 weeks, the midwife did a home visit and had a feel of my belly to get an idea of how the baby was positioned. Apparently baby was breech. Not what I wanted to hear. The ultrasound also confirmed this. Baby was so small, she was basically doing somersaults. I needed to de-stress. I booked myself in for a pre-natal massage, this helped to relax but only temporarily. I felt like there was a lot of pressure on me - manage my stress levels, keep moving my body, do some yoga, meditiate, try acupuncture, all in the efforts to help flip baby upside down and keep her that way.
At 39 weeks, the baby was sill breech. I felt deflated and emotional. I hated the fact that no matter how hard I tried, it was completely out of my hands, out of my control. We had to make the final call whether to continue waiting and hopefully the baby will miraculously flip head down and to go ahead with the orginal plan of having a home-birth or play it safe and have the baby at the hospital. We decided on the latter but I wanted to wait until my parents arrived, so that I knew the boys had family to care for them.
To add to the stress, my parent's flight from Dallas to Minneapolis was delayed. There were issues with the plane and they were given a voucher to stay overnight at a nearby hotel and wait for an update on the next available flight. Adrian wanted us to just make the booking to be admitted into the hospital immeditely and have myself induced. He reassured me that the nanny could look after the boys until my parents arrived and we would also let our neighbours know of our situation. I wasn't OK with any of this. Just wait one more day. Fortunately, good news came in the next morning and my parents received a text message notifying them that the next available flight was in the afternoon. We immediately called the hospital and told them we wanted to book ourselves in to be induced that evening. Our bags were packed and we let the Nanny know of our situation if all went pear shaped. To be eagerly waiting for my parents to get on that plane, arrive here, flight the jetlag, get on board with looking after our three boys whilst we dashed to the hospital was enough to set my blood pressure high.
Finally once Adrian collected my parents from the airport and brought them straight to our house, we gave each other a quick hug and made our way to the hospital. I needed to let my parents take the reigns and know that everything will be OK. The main focus now was to safely deliver our baby.
We admitted ourselves into Children's Minnesota Hospital. The room set up was beautifully and made me feel immediately comfortable. The nurses were professional, warm and understanding of my situation and aware that my birth plan had been changed. They were very open and respectful of how I wanted to birth the baby and interfered very little as possible, giving me the freedom to do what I needed and felt right to me. Even though the birth had taken place in the hospital, we had decided to have the home-birth midwife by our side for emotional support. Once I was connected up and induced for labour, they made sure that it wasn't too strong so that I could get as much sleep as possible and hopefully have contractions build up very slowly through the night.
Having a needle pierced into my hand and connected to a tube didn't really set me up for the most comfortable night but I did what I could to try and get some sleep. Poor Adrian on the other hand was left with the couch for a bed and was right under the air conditioning. He was being a good sport though and used what he could to make himself as comfortable as possible.
Throughout the night until morning there were no contractions, so after breakfast the nurses decided to dial up the dosage of Oxytocin to help encourage things to move along. Not long after I started to feel the "surges". I decided to sit on a pregnancy ball that was provided to ease the tension and help get baby into position for birth. Something didn't feel right though. I got up and started walking back and forth in the room. I didn't feel the heaviness pushing down into my pelvis anymore and mentioned this to Adrian and the midwife. I started to feel uneasy again. The midwife told one of the nurses who then organised to have an ultrasound machine brought in to check on the baby. The build up of uncertainty washed over me and I became emotional. I continued to bounce on the pregnancy ball but then burst into tears.... what if the baby was breech again? What if I have to have a c-section?
A Sonographer eventually walked in and had me lay down on the bed. I gazed over at the screen and it was confirmed that the baby was no longer head down but at a slight angle. The head nurse also came in at this point and we talked over some options, which included having my waters broken, which can sometimes help to turn the baby head down. At this point we decided to turn down the Oxytocin so that I could keep moving my body in the hopes to encourage the baby to turn head down. Things were starting to feel a little more positive again as I could feel the heaviness push back down into my pelvis. Good girl. Do what you need to do so that we can you bring you out into the world. Once I mentioned this to the nurses, they decided to turn back up the Oxytocin to help the labour move along.
In order to help me relax, I asked Adrian to help guide me to the bathroom so that I could have a shower. The water was nice and refreshing and I started to feel a lot more calm and then suddenly pain shot through my body. Once I finished my shower, the "surges" started to intensify. We had the midwife by us as well and she was encouraging me to just breath through them. I knew exactly what to do based on my last experience when I birthed my third baby. The hypnobirthing skills were still fresh in my mind. The pain was definitely still noticeable but by relaxing my body, holding my head back and breathing in through my nose and out of my mouth, it felt so much more managable.
This was it, I knew it was happening and I knew I had to get myself into position but as always, I hold back or question whether it's actually happening or not. I felt like I needed to go to the toilet and this should have been one big sign that the baby was ready to come out. I went to the toilet anyway, just in case and felt it was a struggle and so I knew that wasn't what I needed to do. I got up and as I was pacing back and forth, Adrian was following me around and really in tune with what was going on. Apparently he looked into the toilet to see if I had done anything and noticed that I had in fact done a poo. This sent a flash back for Adrian, having delivered our third baby for me at home and I had done the same thing before the baby came out. He knew the baby was ready to come out next and eagerly asked me to take my underwear off and get into position. I hesitated because I was scared. It's always the scariest part, pushing out the baby. I took off my underwear and climbed up onto the bed on all fours and made the same noise I did with my third birth. It was all so familiar. I started to breathe deeply in through my nose and out of my mouth. It literally took three breaths and the baby slid right out of me. Our fourth little miracle.
In the end, I was quite happy with the birth experience at this hospital. The nurses who looked after me were attentive, kind, gentle and dealt with every detail with an open mind, deep understanding and extreme care. They immediately cared for our baby as if she were their own. Luckily she was born just over the weight required to be admitted to NICU. She was then screened to check for any issues and once returned, we were told that she had low blood sugar levels and high levels of bilirubin. Adrian became emotional and I just felt numb. After dealing with a slightly stressful birth, then having just delivered her. My body had gone through so much that I didn't have anything left in me to feel. The nurses were more concerned about the low sugar levels and wanted to treat that immediately with glucose, this was administered every 3 hours, then she was tested with a foot prick. I will admit, the nurses felt extremely guilty every time they had to check her blood sugar levels. These tiny little feet and the amount of little holes poked into them. Luckily by the next morning she had reached the desired levels. Every now and then, she was also taken from us to be treated for her bilirubin levels with the use of phototherapy. Eventually they offered the use of a biliblanket in her cot, which I agreed to do as I much prefered having her beside me.
In the middle of juggling the glucose and bilirubin levels, she wasn't putting on weight and was instead losing weight. This was also quite stressful to deal with. I was then told to only breastfeed her for 10 minutes, pump for 15 to 20 minutes and have Adrian feed her high calorie formula whilst I was pumping. In my mind, this didn't feel right to me and if this were a home-birth, I would have naturally breastfed her for as long as possible but I decided to take the advice I was given for the sake of my daughter's health. Feeding her was a strugggle, she was only taking about 10mls of formula each time, which seemed like absolutely nothing. By day 3 of our hospital stay, her bilirubin levels had improved and we were advised to continue feeding her the high calorie formula at home to help her gain weight.
Although staff took great care of our newborn and their number one priority was her health, I felt there was somewhat little concern for how this all affected me. They assist us with giving birth, checking on the baby's vitals and screening them for any other issues. Once everything is going well and back to normal for the baby, it's good-bye, you're free to go, have a good life.
It was good to be back home though. Nothing beats being in the comfort of your own home. I felt like we were able to get back into our own rythm. The mixture of advice was very conflicting though. There was the medical advice given by staff from the hospital and holistic advice given by the midwife. Each I had to take with a grain of salt and follow my own gut with what felt right, especially in regards to her feeding regime. We continued to feed her the high calorie formula to help her gain weight, however I also tried to breastfeed as much as possible. I did feel as though the early bottle feeding did interfere with the breastfeeding and she just wasn't latching on properly. The midwife offered to organise a lactation consultant to assist with latching the baby corectly. It was upsetting for me knowing I was drying up pretty fast but the pressure to breastfeed and how to do it "properly" was also too much for me to deal with and negatively impacted my mental state of mind. I felt like it was a constant battle between bottle and breast.
Eventually she managed to put on weight, so we stopped giving her the high calorie formula and switched to regular infant formula in conjunction with breastfeeding.
There are both pros and cons to either a home-birth or a hospital birth. You will be given a mixture of advice depending on what they believe and what they know works. In the end, regardless of where you decided to have your baby, always do what you feel is right. Follow your own intuition. Looking back on all of my experiences, I did what I felt was right at the time. During each pregnancy, I learned more and more and although I enjoyed the experience of a home-birth and with the excitement and freedom of delivering our baby the way we wanted to, in a way that felt most natural to us. It is still important to keep an open mind and listen to the professional advice that is given to you, even if you don't always agree with it. A safe delivery is always the best option but I'm so happy I was able to experience all different methods of birth.