Ever since I was a teenager, I knew I wanted to be a Mum. It was what I was always certain of but what I didn't realise was that it isn't always easy to achieve. After Adrian and I got married, we kind of just dove into it without thinking. Well, to be honest, he wanted to wait but I just wanted to get started building a family together. Luckily for us, it only took that one try and four weeks later I'm holding a pregnancy test that revealed two pink lines. I was both excited and extremely nervous, my hands were shaking and my first thoughts were "what have we got ourselves into!". Everything was new and I had no idea what to expect. The reality of growing a baby inside of you makes you re-think the way you live your life.
We were on our honeymoon during the first trimester, in the middle of the ocean on a cruiseship, sailing around the South Paicific. It wasn't until towards the end of our honeymoon when we landed in Hawaii, I was about 13 weeks into pregnancy and one morning I started to bleed.... heavily, like I was on my period. I didn't experience any cramping though, so it took me by surprise. A feeling of dread washed over me. Deep down I knew something was worng. I immediately booked myself in for an ultrasound the moment we got back home to Darwin, NT and the scan revealed my worst nightmare... no heartbeat. The ultrasound technician didn't exactly have the best bedside manners either. She looked at the screen puzzled and asked "how far along are you?". I responded I was about 13 weeks. She looked at me, then back at the screen and shook her head, "yeah, there's nothing there..." I tried to act calm. Initially, I was in shock and didn't really know how to feel or repsond to the situation but once I walked out and found a bathroom to process what had happened, the reality of it all sunk in and I was devastated. I burst into uncontrollable tears and almost collapsed to the ground. I felt my body had failed to make a healthy baby.
After undergoing a D&C procedure to remove the remaining tissue left inside my uterus, I remember the very first question I asked the nurse the moment I woke up "When can I have sex again?". I was determined to try again and just like the first time trying, four weeks later I took a preganancy test and it revealed I was pregnant again. Along our pregnancy journey I have experienced two misscarriages, followed by two rainbow babies and four healthy, happy children. We are very blessed but it also hasn't been an easy journey.